And in this corner. . . . .

The fierce and fabulous, fighting Annie "the Windmill" Wimmer.  Yes Annie still has some fight in her when she does not get her way.  Yesterday she ate her two pieces of pizza, bowl of chips and three hersey's kisses and was ready to go.  She sauntered into the kitchen, leaving a trail of candy wrappers, and pocketed an apple.  She did not know where she was going but she knew she had to get there.  She had tried to get out of the front door at least five times, but she was not going to give up the fight.  She took one last try and was successful at unlocking the door and getting out on the porch until she was blindsided by Marvin, who stopped her from going down the steps.  She turned into the windmill with arms flailing everywhere and let out a barbaric yawp.  However despite her best punches she would not win this round, but I am sure she will return to fight another day.

Lil' Obstinate Annie

Although Annie has a hard time talking she does not have a hard time making a point or getting her way.  She is very "persistent" when she wants something done her way.
                               Things that bring forth the obstinate in Annie

• Paper.  If a piece of paper with writing on it is around, Annie finds it, points to it and then tries to put it away.  She does not like notes left lying about.
• Phone calls.  Annie does not like other people talking on the phone.  In fact if you are on the phone she insists on talking to you at the same time.  If the phone rings she automatically assumes it is for her and gets irritated that you won't give up the phone.
• Computers, the enemy.  Annie never used a computer when she was well and now she does not like other people using them in her presence.  The computer is her competitor for attention.
• Dishes.  Annie does not like dishes in the sink.  If a dish is on the counter or in the sink it will be washed, and not necessarily with soap.  Her preferred method is wiping with a paper towel and then showing it to you.
• Fine Dining.  Once Annie is done with dinner she believes everyone else should be done as well.  She begins clearing the table as soon as she is done and if you are not careful she will swipe your unfinished plate as well. 
• Crumbs.  Annie has never lost a battle with a crumb on a counter.  She hunts them down, deals a death blow with her finger and then showcases her kill to anyone who is around.
• Toilet paper.  Annie never met a roll of toilet paper she didn't like, ALOT.  Regardless of how many times you explain how she does not need to use so much, she continues.  A roll a day is Annie's way.
• Hide and go Seek.  Annie loves to hide things in her purse, drawers and closet.  She is so good at it we still haven't found where she hid her partial mouth piece.  Suffice it to say Annie is missing some of her back teeth.
• Thievery.  Not only does Annie hide her things, she also hides other people's belongings.  I have found cloth napkins, forks, lotion, shampoo, toothbrushes, candles, and other items--not belonging to her--stashed in her purse.  She would make an excellent pickpocket.
• Show Annie the money.  One of the few words she still gets out, MONEY.  She doesn't have enough, can't find it, or can't go out without it.  (And no we do not let her handle money anymore)
• And finally the dreaded MOTHER.  When we do something Annie does not like she says MOTHER and shakes her head.  It is quite obvious her Mother would not approve and we better watch it or we will indeed be in trouble.  Her mother, Babs, is still alive and kicking and if she was in town I would fear the wrath as  well.

And these are just some of the quircks of Lil' Obstinate Annie.

Annie get your grub.

Three months ago, getting Annie to eat was difficult. 
The only thing she would eat (if allowed) was sugar based foods.  Now she is a non stop crumb cruncher.  Wakes up in the morning has two bowls of cherrios, a banana and toast.  She will then try to sneak back into the kitchen and forage for food.
She devours several apples, bananas and pieces of raisan bread in the day.  She follows up with soup, sandwiches and whatever else we put in front of her.  On Christmas day she had her usual breakfast, followed by four sweet rolls, and later rolled into the kitchen to snag several sugar cookies; all before noon.  This all is being consumed by a woman who is a whoping 110 pounds and had an eating disorder for most of her adult life. 

Oh how the mind changes with dementia.  The food "fight" has become quite amusing.  She will eat almost anything put in front of her with any utensil.  A spoon for steak? no problem.  A butter knife for peas?  why not?  She still hesitates with vegetables but after a "stern talking-to" will eat them.  When she doesn't like something she will spit it out in her hand (gross) and began exclaiming in dementia-eze why she shouldn't have to eat it. (of course no one else speaks dementia).  She will finish her plate at record speed and begin clearing the table automatically and if you are not careful your plate will be removed regardless if you are finished or not.
  The grande finale however was indeed Christmas Eve, we had a pie and after she finished her piece and we were still all around the table talking she snatched up the pie server scooped up a slab of pie and downed it in one mouthful.  Jo was having none of that and the pie was removed much to Annie's dismay. :)

This free digital slideshow made with Smilebox

Annie back and better than? oh who are we kidding?

It has been a while since dementia mama  has posted, just a hectic fall and many turn of events.  Annie has returned from her "vacation" (respite care) and is back and babbling like no other.  Annie is definitely on the slide but seems to be in good spirits (and not the alcoholic kind) and is doing fine, considering.  She is set up in her new house, with Nanna J--thanks to the power of the mother-in-law--I know most mother-in-laws are CRAZY, but I am lucky.  Here is something we can all laugh about, Annie is always "adjusting" her pants, well this weekend she was very irritated with her jeans and as i investigated she had not only one pair, oh no, but two pair on, plus a pair of long johns:)  She, of course, wanted to remedy the situation immediately and take off all of her pants..... in the middle of the living room.  We prevented the faux pas before it got too revealing, and convinced her to go into the bathroom.  Ahhh the ins and outs of dementia. 

New appetites

Finally.........................................  Annie gained her appetite back.  She has been losing weight at a frightening pace until  we cut off her sweet tooth.  (Don't worry nothing was extracted during the process).  What we do have now is a woman who has regained her appetite.  She is eating full meals again and wants more once she is done.  today alone she has had two bowls of cherrios, a subway sandwich with chips, a muffin and an apple and it isn't even dinner time yet. 

the collector

Yes, I realize it has been quite some time since my last post but what can I say, I'm a little busy at the moment.  One thing I have been meaning to write about is Annie's desire to collect things.  She was always a collector, in bulk, why have one rolling pin when you can have 100?? This was the logic before dementia/alzheimer's hit.  Now however she has taken to collecting some, um, unusual items.  First we cannot rave enough about empty plastic containers, mostly ensure bottles with the wrappers ripped off, to hold a variety of "things."  Next on the list of the nicknack extravaganza will be rocks and seeds--tree, plant, avocado-all are beautiful.  And somehow she can take these junk items and arrange them to look good.  For those of you who knew Annie before she was sick, you know she had a flair for decorating, well it is one thing that has not left her yet. See Photos for some of her decorating delights.

2 parties, 4 cakes and 20 kids later

We celebrated both Marvin and Whit's birthdays yesterday since they are only three days apart.  Marvin had a suprise birthday later in the day so it was alot of fun.  Annie survived and actually had a really good time.  She was social and engaging which was not the past pattern.  I do not know what exactly is working if it is the medications or the environment yet whatever it is i am not about to change it in anyway.  She is content and a different person, I should say "her old self" and I do not want to do anything to tamper with it.  Whit had a great time, many of his friends from school showed up and they had a great time on the safety tramp.  Yes I said it everyone needs a tramp that is safe.  That reminds me, we do live in an urban area and yes we do have hookers trolling every once in a while.  After the party I let Whit hang at the neighbor boy's house.  I went to pick him up about nine o'clock last night and overheard the beautiful conversation of a hooker stating her last night on the job was last night because she is indeed 7 months pregnant.  Welcome to the hood, Merry christmas, and happy new year. 

trampoline days

"it's your birthday, it's your birthday we gonna party like it's your birhtday and we don't even care cuz it's your birthday."   50cent.      Remember the days of trampolines, when we called them tramps and did not think twice about it???? and we did not have to have safety nets that surrounded a tramp??? we would just jump and if we fell off oh well!  we did not care if we broke an arm! bring it on!!!! we were not scared of falling off.  And now you cannot buy a trampoline without a safety net, which i suppose if fine?? but come on, here i am showing my age, "when i was a kid.... " yada yada yada.  who cares i suppose the lakers won tonight OOOh OOOh. love to ya mother.

Shop til the Salesgirl drops. . . .

or goes crazy.  Annie has been in such a great mood lately, so Jo, my mother-in-law, dementiamama and Annie went shopping.  As we were trolling the mall we decided to go into Coldwater Creek, beautiful stuff for the mature ladies.  Well they also have knick knacks and Annie loves herself a knick knack.  Little bowls that were displayed and came in a set to buy really caught her eye.  Throughout the time spent in Coldwater Annie managed to approach the same saleswoman five times asking the same question, "Can I buy this bowl?"  the saleswoman repeated the same information "why no it comes in a set."  I of course just stood back and watched, maybe I should have stepped in but it was too much fun watching some sort of take on a Seinfeld episode. (Annie the equivalent of Kramer maybe).  My mom hates it when I speak for her so I decided to go with the flow.  You could tell the saleswoman was confounded as to why this woman kept asking her the same damn question.  To the credit of the saleswoman she was polite everytime without getting frustrated.  Each time Annie would take the answer do her little "hmm" with a smile and walk over to another set of bowls.  Two thumbs up for Coldwater Creek and trained staff for great customer service.   Here is a link to the bowls as you can see they are quite cute.  Anyone wishing to donate don't hesitate to contact us. (kidding of course) Annie would be so happy.    http://www.coldwatercreek.com/Products/Detail.aspx?productid=50476&ensembleid=56543&colorid=000&refLink=decorative-items.aspx  As you can see from the picture above Annie still loves, and has a flair, for decorating.  After the mall of course we had to dine on some delightful crab croissants hmmmm delicious.

Annie is back to her old self; happy, laughing and enjoying Whit, her grandchild (pictured here with her).  She has had a great couple of days so we are hoping the trauma of the trip has passed her by.   Now we have to figure out how to incorporate many of her belongings into the house without her breaking down due to a loss of her own home, any suggestions?? We are still trying to decide how to add on to our own home so she has more space and privacy.  Privacy is an issue with a six year old who thinks nothing about walking in on you in the bathroom.  Yes i will say between the two of them privacy has left the building.  Oh but as hard as it is at times I would not reverse the decision to bring Annie here.  Whit loves her so much and tells everyone he sees "That's my grandma!"  That makes it all worth it.  They are definitely on the same wave length which is cool to see.  They both love PB and J sandwiches, Enough said.

Long strange trip it's been

Well let's just say Annie was in fine form!  Taking her to see her parents turned into a big mistake.  She became totally disoriented. (Lesson learned don't take the dementiaed out of their environment).  The alzheimer's demon reared its ugly head and produced a scared, spitting fire mama. In fact i am pretty sure i saw some head spinning and projectile vomitting, yeah it was that gross and unpredictable.   Four days of random vocalizations and i still couldn't figure out what she was infuriated about.  Turns out on sunday i needed to hospitalize her with the help of my friend Charona.  After about six hours in the E.R. it was found out that her blood pressure was quite low and she was admitted into the hospital for medical reasons. One day later it is best guessed that a minor/silent heart attack had occured several days ago.  Poor Annie! 

No worries she is fine and last night went out and about living the vida loca in the big city of Elko, Nevada.  She wanted to go out so the casino was her outlet where she was able to walk away with close to 200.00.  what luck. 

Here is a rundown of her night:  casino making money, belligerent with security forcing her back into the hotel room, sleeping peacefully, talking in her sleep and laughing at me for drinking diet coke at 3:30, now snoring.

Never a dull moment with Alzheimer's Annie. 

Court is now in Session

Today may be the day that the court custody contest is finally over.  It has been 44 weeks since the court allowed an ex-husband, Marde, divorced over twenty years ago, a voice in my mother's life, despite the support of guardianship we have from her entire family.  Yes I said it, the entire family's wishes have been ignored for 44 weeks.  My grandparents, uncles, aunt, siblings and grandchildren have been overridden by Marde who simply wanted to be able to walk into her house and claim items as his, which the court allowed to happen--legalized theft.  So let this be a lesson, please parents if you haven't put together a living will and a power of attorney do so now.  Adult children please make sure you have the wishes of your parents written down in legal documents, I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.  There are many online sites that can provide a cheap alternative to having an attorney such as Legacywriters.com that guides you through living wills, medical directives and other legal documents.  I did legacywriters and it was simple and direct, it is your turbotax.com for legal documents.  It is that easy and helpful.

 Now maybe we will go around the corner and have a turkey and swiss panini from our local sandwich shop. peace be with you and if that doesn't work fight like hell:)

Attention: May Contain Adult Content :)

Bad Night and Morning.  Alzheimer's is a fucking nasty disease ( I warned ya).  Annie had two episodes(emotional breaks) because of her inability to recognize time anymore.  It makes me so angry that this disease is stealing my mother from me a little piece at a time. My mom is a smart, funny, logical and talented woman who is being devoured by this disease.  The disease sometimes turns into a nasty selfish bitchy litle 13 year old girl, who wants her way NOW! You know the creature Golum?(sp) from Lord of the Rings?  Split personality seems to be what is breaking down at this point.  Alzheimer's can't decide which creature will manifest itself, Golum or Smiegel.  (sorry if spelling is incorrect) She wants to go see her parents and can't seem to understand we can't go right now because we have to take Whit, my son, to kindergarten.  Or that my grandparent's house is not just up the road.  She can't comprehend that it is over 700 miles from where we are living.  She gets angry and then can't really make any coherent sounds and goes and cries, saying "Fine, I'll just go to bed."  Then five minutes later will come out of her room to show me something pretty outside and she giggles, thus the 13 year old.  Bizarre disease.


 Note: Alzheimer's is the 13 year old, so don't get bent if you think I am calling her these names, Alzheimer's is the nasty girl, not my mom. I differentiate between the disease(which is a MoFo) and the sufferer.

Happy Easter??

It was not that long ago that kids had a different concept of Easter, working in factories or mines was not uncommon.  No holidays for them no candy eggs.  Today, we have children, not to provide labor, but so we can labor for them.  What a twist.

Today, we had our "cousins," Daisy and Bubb, here to celebrate Easter with Whit.  The Easter bunny is still a believable concept and so the kids had alot of fun.  The E.B. of course stayed up until midnight making sure that candy and toys were evenly distributed.  In the morning chaos ensued.  My mom tried to hide from most of the noise but was unable to totally escape the tornado.  Annie did not enjoy the festivities as much as the kids.  She followed them around picking up candy and toy wrappers.  Well maybe that was her fun, she loves cleaning.  Now that the sugar high has worn off the kids have all passed out and our napping.  Good Times.

Groundhog's Day

Time.
What an interesting concept to completely lose. Telling time, the year, the date on the calendar or simply the passing of time. I often feel like I am in Groundhog's Day, the movie, and just repeat the same story every morning when my mom wakes up. The latest round deals with a bad tooth and a trip we are taking. Each morning is the repeated statement, "Today, right?" and then she points to her mouth to showcase the bad tooth. When I tell her not today, but friday, the response, "Fine, I'll go back to b", can be a bit angry. When discussing the trip she gets very belligerent insisting she will simply get a car/plane/bus and drive herself, "so there." Aaahhhh, who doesn't love a bit of repetition in life, remember grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup as the fixer of a cold day?


****Note: any of my mother's quotes used are cleaned up and use full sentences for the reader's understanding. My mom herself cannot speak in full and coherent sentences.****

Caregivers

According to the website deloro.org it is important for Caregivers to care for themselves as well as the family member who is incpacitated.
1. One needs to take care of yourself in order to best serve your loved one.
2. One needs to maintain an outside life apart from who is cared for.
3. Emotions, such as anger, sadness and depression are natural for a caregiver to feel.
4. It is right to reject any manipulation through guilt or other feelings that someone might attempt.
5. One might feel pride and satisfaction in taking care of a loved one and these feelings are completely acceptable.
6. One has the right to maintian their individuality and their own lives for a time will come when the loved one no longer needs full time care.
7. One must accept new resources and aid wherever a caregiver might find such help.
8. "Consideration, affection, foregiveness and acceptance" are qualities that a loved one might express and need to be accepted and returned by a caregiver.

the author of these "rights" is unkown. However it can be found at http://deloro.org/article12.htm

alzheimer's 101

I should have posted this much earlier. Despite the late post I still feel these are helpful. Here is an overview of the stages of dementia/alzheimer's. An article from Mayoclinic.com titled "Alzheimer's stages: How the disease progresses" breaks the disease into three stages: Mild, Moderate and Severe. the Mild Stage is described as simple memory loss, a possible shift in personality and putting typical objects in unusual places. "For example, al wallet may end up in the freezer, or clothes in may go in the dishwasher." In the Moderate Phase someone may have trouble following simple directions or choosing proper clothing for each season. In this stage someone suffering from alzheimer's is no longer safe on their own and tend to wander, and possibly engage in repetitive motion. In the last stage, Severe, the article describes people as needing help with everyday tasks. Most lose the ability to walk without any type of assistance and often can no longer speak with any understanding. The mortality rate of course varies but according to the Mayoclinic.com site after diagnosis the average Alzhiemer's patient lives 8-10 years after the initial diagnosis is made.

pushing buttons

Pushing buttons and pulling triggers. Why does the daughter have to be the mother? I thought it was the parent who was always pushed/triggered by the kid? Not so, Annie, finds no fault in her son-in-law or my mother-in-law. However, I come home and I am the "mommy" who will not let her do what she wants. This scene lasts anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes and then all is forgotten, but in that small window I have become the enemy; the "Mom" who does not let the "teenager" go "where and when" she wants. It is kind of funny if you think about it, my mother getting angry because she cannot drive 800 miles(there is no distance/time capability) to go see a friend. A Friend who, unfortunately, has not lived in the space which she can still identify for years. Yet she is sharp in some fields, ask her the name of a flower and she has it within a few seconds. Amazing!
Like my five year old, Whit, who also does not understand time or distance, there is never enough time spent with his friends next door. Both need instant gratification. And both love hanging out with each other watching March Madness. Ah Nothing better than feeling like a decent turkey and avocado on sourdough. Much better than that egg salad sandwich.
good night and peace out. dementia mama

Make a scrapbooking design

Tribute to my grandmother Gilda Smith Sims

Good Day

Today was a good day. Found out news from the attorney about my mom's status. We also went out after i got home and shopped for a wallet. It is getting easier to take the five year old, Whit, and my mom, Annie, out shopping together. Oh yes a curse yet a blessing for the infamous DS Lite, it is my best friend and best babysitter combined. Whit and my mom get along swimmingly, I suppose because he does not question her and completely understands her on a level that we do not. She loves him unconditionally and only asks for hugs and kisses which he is more than willing to share.

Randomness of memory loss

I am glad that there is so much research dedicated to alzheimer's/dementia. However it still appears to be so random. I just returned from a funeral this weekend for my grandmother who lived to the ripe age of 92. No memory problems, definitely health problems. Annie, my mother, the alzheimer's vicitm continues to lose language ability daily. Today she had to tell me about friends coming to see her, but started with a sentence declaring "it's hot in there" which after about fifteen minutes circled around that friends were at the house next door. It simply seems that this disease continues to be cruel. However there is still a funny and intense person inside that body. One of my mother's favorite things to do is show us her pretty underwear (don't worry not while she is wearing it). She brought out a pair the other morning showing off how "pretty" they were then proceeded to put them on her head to make us all laugh. There was my mama being silly. I will leave it at that.

Ex-husbands suck

Besides the rotten egg salad sandwich i have been digesting, i have been in a custody dispute with my mothers ex-husband. yeah i know many of you might be thinking how in the hell does that even happen? but in the ass backward state of Idaho anyone can contest a guardianship and since he does not believe she has an illness(forget about the 6 different doctors' diagnosis) as long as you have money you get to play the court game.

Egg Salad Sandwich

I am now part of the "sandwich" generation. I am 37 my mother is 66 and is suffering from dementia and Alzheimer's. It came on quite sudden and was very difficult to catch because we lived far from one another. It was the little signs, like not recognizing my voice on the phone, or not being able to tell me it was snowing outside(just stuff in the sky). I am very new to this and so I decided to do this as a theraputic release. I picked the topic of the sandwich generation because that does not even beging to describe it. Besides my mother, I have a son and a husband. Since we love to label things i decided my sandwich would be the one that most represents such a sad state of existence for my mom. It is the egg salad sandwich you bought in a convenience store because you thought it would be a nice change, but you knew better. I am very glad to have my mother and my family in my life but sometimes that sandwich might cause just a little bit of indigestion.:)