Groundhog's Day

Time.
What an interesting concept to completely lose. Telling time, the year, the date on the calendar or simply the passing of time. I often feel like I am in Groundhog's Day, the movie, and just repeat the same story every morning when my mom wakes up. The latest round deals with a bad tooth and a trip we are taking. Each morning is the repeated statement, "Today, right?" and then she points to her mouth to showcase the bad tooth. When I tell her not today, but friday, the response, "Fine, I'll go back to b", can be a bit angry. When discussing the trip she gets very belligerent insisting she will simply get a car/plane/bus and drive herself, "so there." Aaahhhh, who doesn't love a bit of repetition in life, remember grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup as the fixer of a cold day?


****Note: any of my mother's quotes used are cleaned up and use full sentences for the reader's understanding. My mom herself cannot speak in full and coherent sentences.****

Caregivers

According to the website deloro.org it is important for Caregivers to care for themselves as well as the family member who is incpacitated.
1. One needs to take care of yourself in order to best serve your loved one.
2. One needs to maintain an outside life apart from who is cared for.
3. Emotions, such as anger, sadness and depression are natural for a caregiver to feel.
4. It is right to reject any manipulation through guilt or other feelings that someone might attempt.
5. One might feel pride and satisfaction in taking care of a loved one and these feelings are completely acceptable.
6. One has the right to maintian their individuality and their own lives for a time will come when the loved one no longer needs full time care.
7. One must accept new resources and aid wherever a caregiver might find such help.
8. "Consideration, affection, foregiveness and acceptance" are qualities that a loved one might express and need to be accepted and returned by a caregiver.

the author of these "rights" is unkown. However it can be found at http://deloro.org/article12.htm

alzheimer's 101

I should have posted this much earlier. Despite the late post I still feel these are helpful. Here is an overview of the stages of dementia/alzheimer's. An article from Mayoclinic.com titled "Alzheimer's stages: How the disease progresses" breaks the disease into three stages: Mild, Moderate and Severe. the Mild Stage is described as simple memory loss, a possible shift in personality and putting typical objects in unusual places. "For example, al wallet may end up in the freezer, or clothes in may go in the dishwasher." In the Moderate Phase someone may have trouble following simple directions or choosing proper clothing for each season. In this stage someone suffering from alzheimer's is no longer safe on their own and tend to wander, and possibly engage in repetitive motion. In the last stage, Severe, the article describes people as needing help with everyday tasks. Most lose the ability to walk without any type of assistance and often can no longer speak with any understanding. The mortality rate of course varies but according to the Mayoclinic.com site after diagnosis the average Alzhiemer's patient lives 8-10 years after the initial diagnosis is made.

pushing buttons

Pushing buttons and pulling triggers. Why does the daughter have to be the mother? I thought it was the parent who was always pushed/triggered by the kid? Not so, Annie, finds no fault in her son-in-law or my mother-in-law. However, I come home and I am the "mommy" who will not let her do what she wants. This scene lasts anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes and then all is forgotten, but in that small window I have become the enemy; the "Mom" who does not let the "teenager" go "where and when" she wants. It is kind of funny if you think about it, my mother getting angry because she cannot drive 800 miles(there is no distance/time capability) to go see a friend. A Friend who, unfortunately, has not lived in the space which she can still identify for years. Yet she is sharp in some fields, ask her the name of a flower and she has it within a few seconds. Amazing!
Like my five year old, Whit, who also does not understand time or distance, there is never enough time spent with his friends next door. Both need instant gratification. And both love hanging out with each other watching March Madness. Ah Nothing better than feeling like a decent turkey and avocado on sourdough. Much better than that egg salad sandwich.
good night and peace out. dementia mama

Make a scrapbooking design

Tribute to my grandmother Gilda Smith Sims

Good Day

Today was a good day. Found out news from the attorney about my mom's status. We also went out after i got home and shopped for a wallet. It is getting easier to take the five year old, Whit, and my mom, Annie, out shopping together. Oh yes a curse yet a blessing for the infamous DS Lite, it is my best friend and best babysitter combined. Whit and my mom get along swimmingly, I suppose because he does not question her and completely understands her on a level that we do not. She loves him unconditionally and only asks for hugs and kisses which he is more than willing to share.

Randomness of memory loss

I am glad that there is so much research dedicated to alzheimer's/dementia. However it still appears to be so random. I just returned from a funeral this weekend for my grandmother who lived to the ripe age of 92. No memory problems, definitely health problems. Annie, my mother, the alzheimer's vicitm continues to lose language ability daily. Today she had to tell me about friends coming to see her, but started with a sentence declaring "it's hot in there" which after about fifteen minutes circled around that friends were at the house next door. It simply seems that this disease continues to be cruel. However there is still a funny and intense person inside that body. One of my mother's favorite things to do is show us her pretty underwear (don't worry not while she is wearing it). She brought out a pair the other morning showing off how "pretty" they were then proceeded to put them on her head to make us all laugh. There was my mama being silly. I will leave it at that.

Ex-husbands suck

Besides the rotten egg salad sandwich i have been digesting, i have been in a custody dispute with my mothers ex-husband. yeah i know many of you might be thinking how in the hell does that even happen? but in the ass backward state of Idaho anyone can contest a guardianship and since he does not believe she has an illness(forget about the 6 different doctors' diagnosis) as long as you have money you get to play the court game.

Egg Salad Sandwich

I am now part of the "sandwich" generation. I am 37 my mother is 66 and is suffering from dementia and Alzheimer's. It came on quite sudden and was very difficult to catch because we lived far from one another. It was the little signs, like not recognizing my voice on the phone, or not being able to tell me it was snowing outside(just stuff in the sky). I am very new to this and so I decided to do this as a theraputic release. I picked the topic of the sandwich generation because that does not even beging to describe it. Besides my mother, I have a son and a husband. Since we love to label things i decided my sandwich would be the one that most represents such a sad state of existence for my mom. It is the egg salad sandwich you bought in a convenience store because you thought it would be a nice change, but you knew better. I am very glad to have my mother and my family in my life but sometimes that sandwich might cause just a little bit of indigestion.:)